Thelma and Louise, best buds for decades now, figure ya'll will be wantin' to know how we got started on our dumbass-kicking lives. So, we'll be shedding some light on this right here. Seems like folks are thinking we make fun of people by the way we talk. They be dumbasses, natch. We'll be tellin' our life stories here as we get tired of huntin dumbasses. Ya'll get ready, cuz Thelma and Louise are too hot to handle and larger than life! Mama Hazel's story's jus' as good, but she ain't got time to be tellin' it since she's busy with her internet gamblin and bingo playin' and general dumbass-kickin', so Thelma will tell her mama's story, too, as I can gets her to slow down some. May have to hide her walker like Louise hid my keys. And hold back her chew. That'll make her talk and prove she do a damn fine sight o' cussin and general vulgarities when it suits her. She may be 90, but she's full o' piss an' vinegar, that's for sure. Is what I'm sayin'.