Hey y'all..I thought I'd stumble on over an add me a few lines to my biography. Seein that you is all intrested and such..I was over at the senior center today leadin my "hip replacment and the feminine misstique " seminar for the silver foxes. I had a few minutes before my teachin so I did myself a little thinkin. Here I is a writin my life stories an such, I figure I need to mention some a the people who inspired me through tha years..aside from Thelma and Mama H.

Here I am a bustin dumbasses and the like. I reckin y'all want ta know what made me such a strappin fine lady? who filled me full a all that piss, vinegar and downright bosomly charm? So I sat there a thinkin and WOOEEE! quicker than you could grab a mooses lips, I thought 'a someun! My great aunt Jujubee. Now I don't know why she was a called that..I reckin it was cause her head was so small and such., or maybe it was cause she was so full 'o colorful ideas...but never you no mind. I spect it don't matter none in tha long time. She were a fine woman, tiny head an all. Thats for true.



Great aunt Jujubee was a legind around these here parts! She ran a travelin brothel and was an Avon lady on tha side. Ding Dong ! Avons a commin! Eighteen wheels and a dozen rolls in tha hay! WOOOEEE, She knew how ta run a business! She took me on my very first trip ta Vegas. I was ten years old at the time, but I was what you would call "fully developed" so it wadn't hard ta git me into tha clubs. And it was at one 'a them clubs that I saw the man who would change my life. A Mister Tom Jones. In person!

Boy howdy and a stage full 'a underpants! I tell ya that man can sing! Why I was so fired up by his gyratin that I shot through puberty and straight into adulthood quicker than a jackrabbit on viagra! By tha time he started croonin "It's not unusual" I was sorry I was wearin my wonder woman drawers ..I didn't have no room key, so I threw the next best thing up on tha stage. Great aunt Jujubee! Why after she got over tha shock an such she started a dancin while Tom was a singin..twistin and swayin and all those sparkely lites reflectin on that tiny head 'a hers. It was a site to behold! I tell ya..it changed my life! From that day on I swore to always wear me a thong. Boy Howdy and a couple 'o sides of hiney! I sure do. Now don't that take the hair off a possums behind? I hadn't thought a that in years.